Tuesday, May 30, 2006

5 mg

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It's finally Spring and I've been looking forward to the sunny weather with great anticipation this year. 18 months ago the counselor that I have seen off and on for 10 years diagnosed me with SAD, the acronym for Seasonal Affective Disorder. Known otherwise as seasonal depression. She recommended I combat the affects of this depression with a daily dose of Lexapro, 10 milligrams of a little white pill that would help moderate the levels of serotonin in my brain. I was not easily convinced to try medication. I have weathered so many family storms without medication and still managed to keep my head above water, I just didn't think I needed a daily pill to get by. I discussed it with my partner and sister and with gentle urging on their parts, decided I owed it to myself to give it a try. It's been 18 months since then. My doctor said it would be best to try two full winters on medication. I've done that now and am ready to taper off. Under her care she has recommended I cut my dosage in half and move off completely after 4-6 weeks. I've had a good year and a half. Liv and I bought a house, I have started school again, I am doing yoga on a regular basis and am training for a triathalon, and most signficantly, I am much less fragile around my oft explosive mother. I don't know what to attribute to the pill and what is simply a function of wise decision making, that's the hard part, especially as I make the decision to go off the medication. No one can say for sure. There aren't tests for serotonin deficiencies in the brain. I sat down to cut my pills in half today and suspect I may soon gain some insight into how much the 10 mg have done for me on a daily basis.

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